My Contradictions

and the endless cycle of euphoria and self-loathing

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I hope you meet someone who wants to experience you and not just see you by their eyes. Someone who doesn’t only want to have sex with you but moves their fingers over your body like trying to find a city on a world map and mark their favourite destinations. Someone who wants to experience you like a masterpiece. whenever we observe a masterpiece we get the urge to touch it and most of the time we do, involuntarily, because it’s so perfect that we not only want to see it with our eyes and forget it’s details later on because I read somewhere that every time you recall a memory your brain edits it bit by bit so we long to experience it so that each part which contributes to it’s perfection stays with us afterall how scary it would be to forget how perfect you felt. So I hope someone experiences you like a summer breeze stroking your hair, like the warmth of bonfire on a chilly winter night, like the taste of that traditional homemade dish by a mother for her children who’s taste forever lingers in their mouth. I hope you find someone who justifies in treating you like the perfect art you are.
The most beautiful submission ever sent to me from - sadgirlslikebadboys (via thejamesboyle)

(via n0-face)

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UPDATE

My life has been obscenely busy. I am really proud of myself for (pretty much) avoiding all panic attacks and emotional break downs. 

Riccardo, is really coming. What a dream. In 2.5 months I will be snuggling with my latin lover again. I would marry that boy I swear…apparently he has that all planned out.

I am graduating college with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology in one month and 10 days. If my grades hold as they are I will have a 3.6 GPA and some great letters of recommendation. 

I have no idea what I am doing after I graduate, besides Riccardo. I really don’t feel like going to graduate school, even though a professor of mine offered to get me in touch with one of his colleages to study infantile amnesia, and that would be a kick ass master’s thesis. But I just want to explore and make some real cash money. 

Now I am going to make hash browns and cry over my anthro study guide.

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Ahhhhh

My emotions are fucking everywhere! Last week fucked me up. Way too much going on. I gotta regulate myself but howwwwwww? Deep breaths. Maybe a workout…..ha.

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Every mouth you’ve ever kissed was just practice. All the bodies you’ve ever undressed and ploughed in to were preparing you for me. I don’t mind tasting them in the memory of your mouth.
Was it a long journey? Did it take you long to find me?
You’re here now, welcome home.
Warsan Shire (via shakingpalms)

(Source: oofpoetry, via n0-face)